It’s been over 30 years since my last confession. Thirty years of living life, making mistakes, and carrying the weight of those choices without ever stepping into the sacred space of reconciliation. For many reasons, I stayed away: fear, pride, and a lingering doubt about whether it would even make a difference. But something in me recently stirred—a nudge to finally go back. What I didn’t expect were the lessons I’d take away, even from what felt, at first, like a disappointing experience.

Facing the Nerves

Let’s start with this: confession is intimidating. The idea of sitting down and admitting your deepest failings to a stranger (even one acting in the person of Christ) is enough to make anyone nervous. For me, the thought of recounting three decades of sins was overwhelming. I found myself Googling “what to say in confession” and rehearsing the opening line, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” with my sister in the car. It felt like preparing for a job interview—or, let’s be real, a really awkward therapy session.

By the time we arrived at the cathedral, my nerves were at an all-time high. To add to the drama, the confessional wasn’t a private booth tucked away inside the church. Instead, the priest was sitting outside in the hot sun with a simple chair beside him, completely visible to anyone walking by. I laughed nervously, wondering if God was testing me right then and there. But I pushed through. It was time.

The Act of Confession

Sitting in front of the priest, my heart was racing. What do I say? Where do I even start? He kindly guided me, handing me a card with the Act of Contrition and reminding me that this wasn’t a therapy session—it didn’t have to be an exhaustive list of every mistake I’d made. I decided to focus on three major things that had been weighing on my heart for years.

As I spoke, I felt raw and vulnerable. I had expected the words to feel cathartic, like they would lift a heavy burden from my soul. Instead, the experience felt more mechanical than spiritual. I finished my confession, received my penance, and walked back into the church. I waited for the emotional release I thought would follow—an overwhelming sense of peace, joy, or even relief.

But nothing came.

Wrestling with Disappointment

I sat there in the pew, confused and disappointed. After 30 years, shouldn’t this moment feel monumental? Shouldn’t I be crying tears of joy or basking in the warmth of God’s forgiveness? Instead, I felt… nothing.

This led me to question: What is confession really about? Was I doing something wrong? Had I missed the point entirely?

When I later shared my experience with my dad, he offered some much-needed perspective. He reminded me that reconciliation is a sacrament—a channel of God’s grace. While I might have been looking for an immediate emotional response, God’s work doesn’t always happen on my timeline. Sometimes, grace works quietly, planting seeds that grow over time.

Preparation Matters

One thing my dad emphasized was the importance of preparation. Confession isn’t just about showing up and rattling off a list of sins. It’s about taking the time to reflect on where you’ve fallen short, examining your conscience, and entering the sacrament with true contrition and intention.

Looking back, I realized I hadn’t fully prepared. Sure, I thought about what to say, but I hadn’t taken the time to deeply examine my heart. My dad encouraged me to view confession not as a box to check but as a conversation with Jesus—one where I could truly express my sorrow and desire for change.

Grace Works in Mysterious Ways

What I’ve come to understand is that confession isn’t about instant gratification. It’s about opening a door to grace. God’s work often unfolds in ways we don’t immediately recognize. The sacrament isn’t transactional; it’s transformational. And that transformation might take days, weeks, or even years to fully reveal itself.

As my dad put it, confession is a portal—a connection between the supernatural and the physical. Through the priest, God’s love and mercy flow into our lives in a way that transcends what we can see or feel in the moment.

Moving Forward

If you haven’t been to confession in a while—or ever—I get it. It’s scary, humbling, and sometimes awkward. But it’s also an incredible gift. Even though my first confession in 30 years didn’t feel the way I expected, it taught me invaluable lessons about grace, patience, and the need to let go of control.

I’m already planning to go back. This time, I’ll prepare with intention, knowing that confession isn’t about checking boxes or chasing emotions. It’s about reconciling with God, opening my heart to His mercy, and trusting Him to work in His own time.

So, if you’re hesitating, take this as your sign. Go to confession. Even if it doesn’t feel perfect, it’s a step toward something greater. God’s grace is waiting—and it’s worth it.

XO,

Trish

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Show Notes

Episode Description

In this episode of The Bad Catholic Podcast, Trisha shares a deeply personal and vulnerable experience: her first confession in over 30 years. Nervous and unsure of what to expect, she opens up about the emotions leading up to the moment and her disappointment when she didn’t feel the release or connection she anticipated afterward. Joined by her dad, Deacon David, they explore the purpose and power of the sacrament of confession, the importance of preparation, and how God’s grace often works in unexpected ways. Whether you’ve been to confession recently or are hesitant to go, this episode offers an honest and heartfelt look at the complexities of reconciliation and faith.

Here’s a sneak peek at what we cover:

00:00 Introduction to The Bad Catholic Podcast

01:02 Confession Experience: Nervous Beginnings

01:21 Facing the Priest: Overcoming Anxiety

02:38 The Act of Confession: Expectations vs. Reality

05:42 Understanding Reconciliation and Its Importance

07:41 Steps to a Good Confession

12:29 The Role of Community in Faith

16:51 Sacraments: Connecting the Supernatural and the Physical

22:03 Daily Examination of Conscience

23:49 Final Thoughts and Reflections