Have you ever felt like a ‘bad Catholic’? Or maybe you’re just a ‘bad Christian’ trying to navigate your own faith journey? If that sounds familiar, you’re definitely not alone. My mom and I had a good chat recently about her journey—complete with detours and unexpected pit stops away from church. In this reflective post, I’m excited to share her story to remind you that faith isn’t always a straight shot. It’s more like an unexpected road trip—sure, you might get lost now and then, but trust me, you always find your way back home.
A Surprising Confession: “I Was a Real Bad Catholic”
In our first practice session in the podcast studio, I asked Mom some easy questions to break the ice and put her at ease. But I was surprised when she blurted out that she resonated with the title “Bad Catholic.” What shocked me was that I’ve always known my mom to be very devout. She’s worked for the Catholic Church for almost four decades, is a spiritual director, and is the head of religious education at her current parish. I’ve NEVER known my mom to be a bad Catholic.
Then she explained that many times in her life, especially when she was younger, she swayed away and felt like a bad mother, a bad wife, and a bad Catholic. As she spoke, I realized how much pressure we put on ourselves to be “good” or “perfect.” I mean, we’ve all been there, right? Whether it’s missing Sunday service because brunch sounded better, or just feeling too disconnected to pray, many of us have felt like we’ve dropped the ball in our faith lives.
The beauty is that the journey back can be a meaningful tool that actually helps deepen our faith.
Faith in the Face of Fear
For my mom, a pivotal moment when she reconnected with her faith was when she was pregnant with me. I’m not saying I’m a miracle child (well, maybe a little), but her story gives me pause.
Complications during pregnancy put both our lives at risk. At 20 years old, alone in a hospital room, she was told she’d need a cesarean section. The thought terrified her. She’d never been in the hospital before, and now she was being told that not only was I in danger, but she’d be “cut open.”
In desperation, she quickly went from bad Catholic to prayer warrior, begging God to get her through the complicated birth. Just then, her water broke, and she delivered naturally.
But my life was still in danger.
Born at only four pounds and having trouble breathing, I was rushed to a nearby children’s hospital. It was days before Mom was well enough to visit me. But before she went, Dad warned her. I was still struggling.
However, Mom found me sitting peacefully in an incubator when she arrived. She thanked God right then and vowed to return to Him.
A Step Closer
That crisis was a turning point. After I was born, Mom had a new sense of purpose and a deep gratitude. For a while, she held onto that. She started talking to God again and found her way back to her faith.
Was she perfect? Nope.
But that’s the beauty of it—faith isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present, even when you feel like you don’t have all the answers. Though she saw herself as a bad Catholic, she continued her journey regardless.
But the road was still pretty bumpy.
From Bad Catholic to Bad Mom
Moving to Houston a few years after I was born, my mom started to lose faith again. Being a young stay-at-home mom in a new city, she was lonely and perhaps a little restless. Soon, she found herself influenced by a neighbor who loved to drink.
According to her, she started to enjoy happy hour a little too much and soon felt like not just a bad Catholic- but also a bad wife and bad mom.
But, once again, God stepped in. And she was called to join a prayer group.
Later in our chat, she stressed the power of community, especially when life feels overwhelming. Faith doesn’t exist in a vacuum; it must be shared, nurtured, and sometimes challenged within a supportive environment.
My mom’s experience with a prayer group is a testament to this, showing how faith and community can come together to provide the support we need, especially when we feel like we’re failing those we love the most.
Why We Always Come Back
My mom’s experience with her Catholic faith couldn’t be more different than mine. I often tease her that she can never call herself “a bad Catholic.” In my book, a few years of boozing it up sometimes is hardly bad. But as she insisted, I had to ask her, “God seems to have kept you on a short leash. He always reels you back in. Why do you think that is?”
Her answer was simple.
“I don’t know. I guess because God’s a part of me, and I’m a part of Him. I can’t live my life without Him,” she explained.
And that’s when it hit me—faith isn’t about having it all together. It’s not about following all the rules all the time. It’s about trusting that God will wait for you to come home even when you falter.
This realization then brought up another question for me. Mom loves her Catholic faith. She loves her religion. But even when she left the church, she always maintained a relationship with God. So I asked her, do you need to be traditionally religious to feel that connection?
Some people find their sense of peace and belonging outside the confines of organized religion, and that’s okay, too. Right?
Are the “Spiritual But Not Religious” Missing Out?
We live in a world where “spiritual but not religious” is a common phrase. But what does that actually mean? For my mom, the community aspect of her faith was essential—she needed those church gatherings, the rituals, and the structure. For others (like “bad” Catholics like me), spirituality might look like meditation, yoga, or quiet moments of reflection.
When I asked her if those who choose not to follow a particular religion are missing out, she said, “That’s a God question. He’s the one who knows them. There are a lot of really good people that are out there that are acting as the hands and feet of Christ, without even knowing it.”
That was one of the most profound takeaways from our conversation: Faith, spirituality, whatever you want to call it—it’s deeply personal, and it looks different for everyone. And that’s perfectly okay.
God will meet you wherever you are.
Faith is a Journey, Not a Destination
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my mom (and my own journey), it’s that faith isn’t a straight line. It’s a winding road filled with detours, potholes, and maybe a few missed exits. But as long as we’re searching, we’re on the right path.
Whether you’ve strayed from your faith, are exploring spirituality, or are just trying to figure out what all this “God” business is about, know this: You’re not alone. Even if you feel like a bad Catholic, we’re all just trying to find our way home—one prayer, one laugh, one conversation at a time.
Do you have your own faith or spiritual journey to share? I’d love to hear from you and perhaps have you as a guest on our Bad Catholic Podcast! Let’s Connect Here.
Just a Note: Thanks for sticking with me through this story. Faith is a tricky thing, but if this post has shown anything, it’s that it’s also a beautiful, messy, and sometimes hilarious journey. If you’re going through your own midlife transitions and need some guidance, let’s chat. You don’t have to navigate this road alone!
Show Notes:
Episode Description:
In this episode of the Bad Catholic Podcast, host Trisha Espinoza and her mother, Toni, engage in a heartfelt conversation about what it means to be a ‘bad Catholic.’ Toni shares her spiritual journey, touching on periods of anger and separation from the Church due to family issues and a complicated pregnancy. Despite drifting away, Toni recounts how moments of crisis ultimately brought her back to her faith. The discussion highlights the balance between structured religious beliefs and a personal relationship with God, the role of community in religion, and the struggles of integrating faith into daily life without judgment. This episode captures the complexities and personal nature of maintaining faith amidst life’s challenges, underscoring the universal aspect of God’s love and the various paths to spiritual fulfillment.
Here’s a peek at what we cover:
00:00 Welcome to the Bad Catholic Podcast
00:39 A Personal Journey of Faith
01:28 A Life-Changing Experience
03:16 A Mother’s Prayer
07:21 Struggles and Redemption
08:42 Faith and Belonging
10:56 Rediscovering Catholic Faith
11:16 The Universality of the Eucharist
11:25 Straying and Returning to the Church
12:05 The Beauty of Mass and Rituals
12:20 Judgment and Acceptance in Faith
14:39 Community and Spirituality
16:20 Navigating Spirituality and Religion
18:25 Personal Reflections on Faith
19:26 Concluding Thoughts on Faith and Identity
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