Grief has a way of sneaking up on us, often when we think we’ve managed to tuck away the hardest parts. When my mom and I recently sat down for an episode of The Bad Catholic Podcast, we dove deep into our grief. Over the past few years, loss has been an unwelcome guest in our family. And while my faith reminds me that I’m not alone, there are times when the emptiness feels overpowering. It’s raw, it’s uncomfortable, and sometimes it’s hard to see where God’s grace is in all of it.

In this post, I want to share some reflections on getting through grief with grace, both from my own journey and from conversations with my mom, Toni. If you’re struggling to hold on to your faith or even just find peace amid the heartache, I hope these words offer you some comfort. Grieving is different for everyone, but maybe, just maybe, there’s a path through it that leaves us a little stronger and with a little more compassion for ourselves.

Embracing the Messiness of Grief

One thing I’ve come to understand about grief is that it’s not neat or predictable. For a long time, I thought grief followed a certain path, almost like a checklist I could work through and then file away. But life doesn’t work like that. Grief is unpredictable; it’s a mess of emotions that come in waves. Sometimes, just when you think you’re okay, a memory or a feeling hits, and you’re back to square one.

Talking with my mom, I realized we both felt pressure to grieve “correctly.” My mom has this instinct to stay strong for everyone, to hold it together and not let her pain show too much. She’s a spiritual director and has spent decades guiding others through their faith. But even she admits to feeling broken and numb, like she can’t find her way back to the person she was. There’s no single right way to grieve. If you feel overwhelmed, numb, or even distant from your faith, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

Getting Through Grief Isn’t “Perfect”

In my family, we’ve all been walking this strange, painful path together. When my uncle Emilio, my mom’s brother, passed away earlier this year, my mom fell apart. As much as we tried to be there for her, there were days when she just wanted to retreat and process things on her own. She told me that she expected God to just “fix it” one day, for her grief to lift, and for everything to feel normal again. But the truth is, healing isn’t an instant miracle; it’s a slow, layered process.

It’s important to let go of the idea that we’ll reach some perfect state of healing. There will always be parts of our grief that stay with us. It becomes part of who we are, woven into our memories and experiences. Instead of looking for a finish line, I’ve started trying to make peace with grief as part of my life’s journey.

Finding God’s Grace in Little Moments

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my mom, it’s that God’s grace is often found in the smallest, most unexpected moments. During our conversations, she admitted that she’s not always able to see God’s grace when she’s deep in sorrow. But she holds on to the belief that God is there, somewhere in the background, patiently waiting for her to see Him again.

Sometimes, grace shows up as a simple moment of laughter. Despite all the pain we’ve been through as a family, those small pockets of joy—laughing with my sister or watching The Chosen as a family—are reminders that there’s still beauty in the world. God’s grace doesn’t always look like an answered prayer or a miraculous sign. Sometimes it’s as quiet as feeling just a little bit better after a hard day or finding a sliver of peace after a long night.

Learning to Be Honest with God

Something I’ve struggled with is how to pray when I’m grieving. In these times, my prayers aren’t pretty or poetic. They’re messy, raw, and sometimes full of questions. I used to worry that maybe I was being disrespectful by not coming to God with “perfect” prayers. But my mom reassured me that God can handle it. He knows what’s in our hearts, even when we don’t have the right words. So now, I talk to God like I would to a friend. I tell Him when I’m angry, when I don’t understand, and when I’m just tired. It’s not formal, but it’s honest.

If you’re struggling with prayer right now, try just talking to God in the way that feels most natural. Even if it’s just, “I don’t know what I’m doing,” that’s enough. God’s grace is big enough to hold all our pain, confusion, and doubt.

Advice for Getting Through Grief

If you’re grieving, first and foremost, give yourself grace. This process isn’t linear. Some days will feel easier, and others will feel unbearable. That’s normal, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. Here are a few things that have helped me along the way:

Be Kind to Yourself:
My mom often reminds me (and herself) that being hard on ourselves doesn’t make the pain go away faster. It’s okay to let yourself feel the sadness, the anger, and the confusion. Don’t rush your healing.

Find a Support System:
Whether it’s family, friends, or even a support group, having people you can lean on makes a world of difference. My family and I might be grieving in different ways, but knowing we’re all here for each other is a huge comfort.

Seek Out Little Moments of Joy:
Grief doesn’t mean you’re forbidden from experiencing happiness. Let yourself enjoy the little things—laughter with loved ones, a favorite show, or a quiet moment with a book. These moments don’t erase the pain, but they remind you that life is still beautiful.

Talk to God, However You Can:
If traditional prayer feels too hard, just talk to God in your own way. Even if all you can say is, “I need You,” or “I’m lost right now,” He hears you. You don’t have to have all the answers, and you don’t have to be “okay” for God to be there with you.

A Warm Note to You, If You’re Grieving

If you’re in the thick of grief right now, know that you’re not alone. I know it might feel like you’ll never feel whole again. But even when it doesn’t feel like it, there’s a light at the end of this dark tunnel. God is with you, even in the moments when you feel like you can’t find Him. Healing may be slow, and you may never feel quite like the person you were before, but you will find new strength. Lean into the small moments of grace, and trust that one day, the weight will feel a little lighter.

Hold on. Be gentle with yourself. And remember, it’s okay to grieve in your own way. There’s no right or wrong way to get through this, and you’re doing the best you can. Keep talking to God, keep finding little moments of peace, and trust that He’s holding you close—even when you can’t feel it.

With all my heart, I hope you find comfort, peace, and grace along this path.

XO,
Trish

---

Show Notes

Episode Description

In this heartfelt episode of The Bad Catholic Podcast, Trisha and her mom, Toni, open up about their personal journeys through grief and the challenges their family is facing. Toni reflects on the recent loss of her brother Emilio, who passed away just a month before this episode was recorded. Still grappling with that fresh wound, Toni reveals she hasn’t yet fully processed the grief from losing her other brother, Joe, two years earlier. 

Together, Toni and Trisha explore what it means to grieve while holding onto faith, even when the pain feels overwhelming. With raw honesty, they discuss the messy, unpredictable nature of grief and how it’s changed their relationships—with each other, within their family, and with God. 

This episode offers a vulnerable, hopeful conversation for anyone struggling with loss and searching for grace in the hardest moments. Join us as we uncover how to keep faith alive, even when the road feels impossible.

Here’s a peek at what we cover:

00:00 Introduction and Personal Struggles

00:34 Welcome to the Bad Catholic Podcast

01:06 Family Dynamics and Current Challenges

03:07 Coping with Grief and Finding Grace

05:34 Maintaining Faith Amidst Hardships

08:19 The Role of Prayer in Difficult Times

18:17 The Healing Power of Family and Faith

23:11 Conclusion and Reflections